Truly, it all comes back to love.

Though complex, and oddly simple, my story is one in which tragedy did not win.

My birth mother found herself an 18-year-old woman with a baby and a substance abuse issue to take care of. "What do I do?, I just want to live my life".  

She struggled for 9 plus years and then had a moment of clarity. "I have to give this child up".

My new family: a mother with hair red like a sunset, and freckles like the same sun dancing through tall trees; and my father a strong-willed Italian man whose heart was as big as his mouth, took me in and called me Son. The reason why tragedy couldn't win in this case is because love did. 

Truly, it all comes back to love.

My Family

Friendship Equation

 

If you've known me for more than 25 seconds; it’s no mystery that my friendships/relationships are paramount to me. It's my belief that they mirror you. We learn from an early age that we are the company that we keep. So when one of those relationships comes apart, I often take a deep look inward. What's my take away? Where did it all go wrong?

At the start of 2014, I decided that this would be my year. I wanted more out of everything that comprises "me"; my relationships; my job, and my education. I also decided that if something (someone) didn’t fit, or was getting in the way of me being the best version of myself, it would have to go. Let me tell ya, if you give fate a grocery list, it will take you to task.

            The Social Exchange Theory states that there is an equation for every type of relationship. Cost-Reward=Outcome. There are costs in every relationship, whether it’s time, money or effort. These costs cannot outweigh the rewards we seek from relationships. That’s generally when a relationship becomes one sided. Recently one of my friendships came apart. This wasn’t something that happens overnight, it rarely ever does. While the logical side of my brain knows that I'm better off without a friendship that takes more than it gives.

Something that has comforted me throughout this whole process is the idea that not all friendship are designed to be lifelong. Sometimes the pills that will help heal us are the hardest to swallow.  So my advice to you, you who are reeling from one sided friendships. Take an inventory or your relationships. If they aren’t benefiting you, teaching you, or leaving you with a positive balance within the equation, it may be time to remove them from your life. You’ll be better for it.

9 Things I'd like to say to my past self.

The Old saying goes "Hindsight is 20/20" If that's the case, Id like to share some tips with my past self on navigating my twenties. 

1. Don't worry about everything. Control what you can control. Fix what needs fixing. Worrying is a colossal waste of time.

2. Work out more (Actually I should give my present self this advice.) It's a whole lot easier when you bounce back like a rubber band. 

3. No matter how cheap the bills, DO NOT live with more than 2 people. Even two people is a little much. You always feel like you're living on top of each other.

4. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. No one is judging you more than your judging yourself.

5. You suck at math. Accept it, move on.

6. Learn to say No. You cannot do everything. You're not superman!! You realize that saying yes to everyone just leaves you feeling put out, left out and unhappy.

7. Life is too short to do a job that you hate. Do what you love, and even if you don't get rich, you'll be happy. That doesn't mean quit your job and ruin yourself. But if you're unhappy, start laying the groundwork for happiness.

8. Pick your friends wisely because it's not terribly easy making friends as a grown up. Everyone generally thinks that you want something or that you're a creep!
Expectation.


Vs Reality

9. Take more risks. "Your 20's are to make mistakes, Your 30's are to learn your lessons, your 40's are to pay the drinks. -Carrie Bradshaw You may fall flat on your face, but at least you tried, and probably have an awesome story. 

Guilted by a pro.

I pride myself on my ability to use my powers of persuasion at any moment, and in just about any situation. However, today, I've been out persuaded.

I live just in front of a synagogue, which now that I think about it... I'm surprised this hasn’t happened sooner. So I get out of work early and the parking lot in which I park is almost packed. I'd imagine that there is some type of event going on at Beth Israel Shalom.

So I'm getting out of my car and this man in his late fifties rolls down his window and says

 "Are you a member? "

"Not yet," I reply with a smile. 

"But I live right here"

"Well, I wish that I could find a spot so that I can get into temple. I’ve been slaving away all day at work... and I just thought that this would be the one place that things would look up for me”

"Oh, sir would you like me to move? I don’t mind at all"

"No, No, don’t worry about me, I'm sure that there'll be other services in my numbered days on this earth."

At this point my jaw is on the ground and I’m at a loss for what this gentleman actually wants.

I was in awe of at how quickly he just peppered in the guilt without me even really noticing it and how it actually worked. 

I moved my car because ultimately it meant more to him than it did to me.

But I really want to be taught by this guy, this is totally an art form. I think that it would be a great competitive edge, in say, an interview, or a with a client or investor that wont budge.

 Remember these stories arent meant to offend, they're just meant bring a bit of light your day.

xoxo

GC

Don't worry, be happy.

This semester has been an interesting one. I've done/ am doing really well in all of my courses, but finding time to work, be social, maintain some what of a healthy eating regiment, and workout has presented the biggest challenges. This past weekend was my uncle Brenan’s annual birthday camping trip. I thought that I would have gotten a lot more work done during the week and would have to worry too much about going away on a Saturday. That was a true lesson in what you want isn’t always what you get, but plans were already in motion and I didn’t want to bail on someone who’s always been so good to me.

So I gassed up the Subaru and headed to Dansville. When I got there I was greeted with a beer and some assistance on setting up my tent. In my head I assumed that I wouldn’t get any work done at all and that it would be all fun and games. It was I’m not gonna to lie.

            However, the combination of the wind in the trees, the light sound of the rushing brook, and the sun gradually waking me up, was a perfect recipe for crystal clear thought. I had no electronic interference or distractions, no tweets, Facebook alerts, or text messages. The more and more I understand my relationship with distraction and media; the more I enjoy and appreciate going radio silent.

  So I encourage you, GO out and find what centers you. I promise you that you'll be a much more productive contributor to your own life. 

Is there subtext... in texting

I'm known for my dry sense of humor and my sometimes sarcastic wit. But, I was texting with a friend the other day and said something which was meant with sincerity and I was called a jerk for "making fun." So, it got me thinking, can you read subtext... in text? 

When we read things, there's a certain something that gets lost, but also gets added. The bible is one of those things. Since this book has been around for thousands of years and has been translated and retranslated so is imagine that something's are lost in translation, or for the sake of this argument, added in translation. 

 

 As a writer I'm constantly trying to not interject myself into what I write. Now I really need to go against what I was taught from the time that I learned to read, and not interject myself into what I read. I'm actively trying to remain objective in what I say, read, and write and much as possible.

Selfi-esteem

So with the apps like Instagram,over, and snapchat, how could a person not want to take a quick picture? Weather it be a new hair cut, that sick new outfit that makes you look 10 pound slimmer, or the right lighting people cannot help taking selfies. But what is over all benefit or taking a selfie? I think that a selfies help improve a persons over all self-esteem.

 A lot of these apps allow you to paint yourself as you want to be seen. Different filters, blurring tools, or texts help the phone-tographer show the very best version of themselves. When the user shares these photos and friends and followers like it, I believe that the likes reaffirm the solicited response that the user is aiming for. 

So the next time you get a snapchat of a friend doing dramatically looking into the camera, think that they could just be working on their "selfi-esteem" 

All I ask is that we put a band on saying "selfie" in that high pitch sing-songy voice before taking one.